Healthy Reasons to be Polyamorous: An Expression of Political Values
Why are people polyamorous?
Some people argue we are born this way. Others that’s it’s a conscious decision. But whatever you believe, we all have our own reasons why we decided to first explore this lifestyle.
And while it’s important to recognise that there are many unhealthy reasons to begin exploring polyamory, these are outweighed many times over by the valid and healthy reasons there are to start this journey, either alone or with a partner.
So let’s take a look at one of the many reasons to explore polyamory: An expression of political values.
Are relationships political?
To many people, the idea that our relationships might be a political statement can seem strange. But the fact is everything in life is political in some way. Sometimes it can be hard to accept, but it's the truth.
And so, while many of us come into polyamory as organic, personal growth, others make the decision as a statement of intent. A statement that they see monogamy as part of an outdated system they no longer choose to participate in.
Monogamy and the political baggage it carries
To many people, traditional relationship models are a sign of oppression. To them, concepts such as monogamy and marriage represent institutionalised oppression against women, the erasure of LGBTQ+ communities, and the reinforcement of general patriarchal structures.
And they are correct.
This doesn't mean these things must be destroyed and forgotten. You can create monogamous relationships and marriages that are healthy and rewarding for all involved. But what you can't do is deny that (a) a lot of the traditions around marriage are problematic (a man "giving away" his daughter, anyone?). Nor can it be denied that these old traditions don't come with baggage. For example, in traditional relationships, women still automatically do 60% more housework than men, even when they work equal hours and contribute the same to the relationship financially. In fact, studies show that women who earn more than their husbands end up doing more housework to compensate for men being threatened by this switch in traditional gender roles.
Polyamory as a way to break free of the system
There are ways to fix this institutionalised problem within heterosexual, monogamous relationships. But not only does it take work, far too many people refuse to admit that these problems even exist.
And so, many people choose ethical non-monogamy as a purposeful act of breaking away from traditional relationship models and the deeply ingrained issues they contain.
Is exploring polyamory as a political statement healthy?
Forcing yourself into relationships that you don't actually want and that don't help you grow is not healthy. Dating multiple people to make a point is not fair to them, and it's not fair to you. Also, creating unhappy polyamorous relationships does nothing to make monogamy look bad.
However, as I've argued many times before and will many times again, you don't have to be dating multiple people to be polyamorous.
If you want to make a political statement by rejecting monogamy, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to date multiple people. It means you need to embrace the ideals and beliefs of ethical non-monogamy and do the work to make your relationship match these ideals. You don't need to change who you date, simply how you date.
People make a lot of changes to themselves and their lives based on their political beliefs. Some might give up eating meat. Others might begin to avoid single-use plastics. And some might decide they want to reject traditional relationship models and the problematic baggage that comes with them.
And as with any decision like this, if it's merely performative, then you're not really polyamorous. You're just making a point without doing any of the work.
But if you mean it, and you do the work, and you embrace the philosophies and the meanings behind polyamory, then it can be an incredibly healthy way to make an ethical change in your life.
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