It can be tricky, sometimes, working out what we are. We might know monogamy and traditional ideas of relationships are not for us, but where does that leave us, exactly? The world of relationships beyond what we've been taught can be a confusing one, especially when we're trying to work out what all these scary new words mean. 

Are you polyamorous? Or are you ethically non-monogamous? And what the hell is the difference? 

Well, let's take a moment to undertake a little definition-ing. 

It’s both simple…

So, let's break it down to basics, shall we? 

• Polyamory - The practice of romantically loving more than one person, or being open to doing so.

• Non-Monogamy - The practice of being sexually open, despite any current relationships status you might have.

There. Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? You can be non-monogamous without being polyamorous, but you can't be polyamorous without being non-monogamous. All polyamory is non-monogamy, but not all non-monogamy is polyamory. 

Got that? 

Great, because I lied. It's not really that simple. 

…and complicated

Like all things, this topic has a lot of grey areas. And some people will have slightly different definitions to others. For example, let us take polyfidelity, with three or more people are in a closed relationship where they don't have sex with other people. So with more than two of them, they are clearly polyamorous. But some people would argue that without sexual openness outside of the relationship, it's actually closer to a kind of expanded monogamy than true non-monogamy. 

And so there you have it. A simple definition that's not actually that simple. 

And then, of course, you also have to remember this is all fluid. Take me, for example. At the start of my journey, my partner and I were only non-monogamous, as we didn't want any emotional connections outside of our marriage. But then, over the years, we opened ourselves up to that idea. And so, we had grown from non-monogamous to polyamorous. 

And it could have gone the other way, of course. We might have decided to revert to monogamy. Or we might have lived polyamorously for a while before decided to to go back to simple non-monogamy.

Ultimately, what you call yourself is up to you. 

Labels are useful, and I would say very important. But what's also important is to remember they are just labels. They aren't standards that need to be met. 

So, as long as you and your partner(s) are fully aware of what you are all doing, and enthusiastically consenting to the same, it doesn't really matter. 

It's who you are and what you do that matters. Not what you call it.