Healthy Reasons to be Polyamorous: An Exploration of Identity
Why are people polyamorous?
Some people argue we are born this way. Others that’s it’s a conscious decision. But whatever you believe, we all have our own reasons why we decided to first explore this lifestyle.
And while it’s important to recognise that there are many unhealthy reasons to begin exploring polyamory, these are outweighed many times over by the valid and healthy reasons there are to start this journey, either alone or with a partner.
So let’s take a look at one of the many reasons to explore polyamory: The desire to explore your identity.
Polyamory and the exploration of identity
Who are we?
Each of us is an individual human being, made up of thousands upon thousands of different personality traits. And while there are uncountable similarities that unify us, each one of us is unique. We have different likes, different desires, and different personalities.
Some of us prefer showers. Others like baths.
Some of us are straight. Some of us are queer. Others are asexual.
Some of us are masculine. Some of us are feminine. Most of us are a mixture of both, while others consider themselves to be neither.
Some of us are politically to the left. Some of us are politically to the right. And some of us simply don’t care either way.
And, of course, some of us find all we need, romantically and sexually, from a single person, while some of us feel more natural exploring these things with multiple people.
We're not born knowing these things. They are parts of ourselves, parts of who we are as individuals, that we learn as we pass through and explore life.
Polyamory and learning who we are
Part of growing up is working out where we fall on these spectrums. Some people are lucky enough to be born with an innate knowledge of who they are in certain areas of life. Others, including me, go through childhood assuming we're just like everyone else around us, and only when we grow and experience more things the world has to offer do we work out where we are different and adjust our lives accordingly.
This is why representation matters in all walks of life. Because so many people don't realise who they are until they can see others demonstrating that who they are is valid, no matter how much it goes against the "norm". This is why I talk about polyamory and the wider scope of ethical non-monogamy. I want to help spread awareness for those who, like me, weren't aware it was an option. Because - again, like me - they might then explore something which helps them discover who they really are.
The importance of not only exploration but also turning back
I'm not saying everyone who explores polyamory will discover they are polyamorous. Far from it.
Some will consider the idea and decide it's not for them. Others will begin to explore it, maybe have a good time along the way, but ultimately decide it's not what they are looking for. And more still will realise that polyamory is part of who they are.
This is the process of exploring your identity. You don't have to stick with everything you try. But it's a vital part of self-examination. It's proactively learning who you are rather than simply assuming your only choice is to be the same as the people around you. It's about learning your own wants and needs so that you can build a healthy life with people who understand you rather than forcing yourself to be someone you're not.
If you're curious about relationships and what you want from them, it's perfectly healthy to explore polyamory.
At everything polyamory social event I've been to, there has always been at least one person who has never tried it but has come to learn more about it. Luckily, the majority of polyamorous people are incredibly welcoming. No one judges them. No one insists they don't belong. (At least, no one in my hearing.) Instead, we talk to them, answer their questions, and tell them more about our lifestyle. Some realise it's not for them. Others realise they've finally found their people.
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